Men - another mystery
I’ll never fully understand the mentality of (some) men. My husband being the prime mental mystery. My dad and sons and brother come in close seconds, but to be honest, that’s probably because they’re the only males I really pay attention to anyway.
The story I’m about to tell is true, believe it or not. To give you a little background, two years ago I agreed to design and host a website for the tae kwon do academy my eldest son attended (and that I paid for) in lieu of membership fees for my husband to start. He’d always wanted to take martial arts and I figured the tiny bit of work that it entailed would be a small enough sacrifice to make the man I love happy. Right?
Several years later – the website grew to three websites, my husband’s tae kwon do ‘thing’ has turned into an outright obsession and a whole other business (he took over the trophy business for this guy in lieu of fees too – with no pay mind you) and this whole thing has pretty much destroyed my marriage. All because I was stupid enough to do something nice for the man. This is why – men – your wives are reluctant to give an inch. You take ten miles. And totally piss us off.
My husband has actually walked out on me and the kids (Raiden was about a month old) and stayed gone for a week because I asked him to give us some of the time he was giving to TKD. Ok – pay attention – the man would go to work, get off at 5, be at the school at 5:30, get out of class at 8, stay to do a few hundred pushups (no one is complaining about the body improvements here) and bring his butt home – every flippin day of the week – at around 8:30 or 9. Then, he’d find some excuse or other to go to his friend’s house, brother’s house, the store, whatever. Then on the weekends he’d either build trophies, work on cars for his friend, play pool with his brother, whatever. While I was home with the baby. Through all this we were losing our home and my sanity. Some people deal with stress well. I do not.
First I asked nicely. I just wanted two nights a week and Sundays. He could go to TKD 3 nights a week and whatever he wanted on Saturdays. You’d think I’d asked for both his legs to be cut off with a chain saw the way he freaked out. Hell no. He couldn’t possibly have worked so hard for two years to back down to just three nights a week now! Ok – new baby, recent serious illness, losing my house, having to move for a while, and a husband who flippin refuses to come his butt home and when asked simply packs his bags and leaves all together rather than back down? Oh, yeah, I was upset.
Now, fast forward two months. Don has lost his job (the store is closing, I don’t fault him for that) and I have gone back to work. We’re back in our house and Raiden is now 3.5 months old. My job is a good solid hour drive from our home – in heavy traffic or bad weather (usually both) it stretches to an hour and a half of hair pulling madness. I usually try to get to work by 8:30 and take a half hour lunch so that I can get out of here by 5 and be home by 6 or 6:30. His TKD classes start at 5:30, then there’s a second class two or three nights a week (I don’t remember) that starts at 7pm. On Saturdays there is a 10 am class. So, Don stays home with the kids while I work (he refuses the thought of daycare but I think it’s more due to the fact that he’s afraid he might not get off in time for TKD classes – this was his major argument against jobs previously). When I get off, I rush home so that he can make his 7 pm classes when they’re being held. Many nights he still goes to his friend’s home (usually Fridays or Saturdays) and I’m – yet again – left alone. Is it any wonder that I wonder why we’re still married? We’re never together. Except when he crawls in bed horny and wants some. And because of all this junk he’s only gotten it once since Raiden was born. I honestly can’t stand for him to touch me anymore because of all the hurt. And he has the gall – the absolute gall – to ask ‘Don’t you want me anymore?’ – Uh, yeah. I want you to stay your ass home sometimes and show that you care about me more than Dean, your brother, tae kwon dodo’s, trophies, tree bark, whatever.
So – here’s what happened to spark off this rant. Last night I didn’t get to leave work till later than usual. So – I called him (thoughtful person that I am I didn’t wait for him to call me and ask where he was like I usually have to do with him because he doesn’t call –he just doesn’t bother to show up when he’s supposed to). I said “I’m getting out of here a little late, I wanted to let you know and I’ll be home in an hour to an hour and a half.” Most husbands would say something like ‘ok, drive carefully’ or something. Mine? He goes off into a fit because he won’t get to go to Tae Kwon Do. I’m not home on time from WORK, so I’ve ruined his day because he now can’t go to Tae Kwon Do. Oh, and we’re out of cornbread mix, can I stop by the store and get some.
When I pointed out all the nights I sat at home and couldn’t do anything while he went along his merry little way his response was, I’m NOT joking “I never stopped you from doing anything you wanted to do.” Nope, never stopped me. Just never showed his butt up to watch the kids so I could. And oh – apparently I’m not now stopping him from going to Tae Kwon Do using that logic, right? “This is different” – um, please tell me how? Then I get “You don’t appreciate what you have” – um, what the hell do I have? A husband who never brings his butt home but then when I’m late coming home – an hour late – he has a hissy fit? A husband who puts a flippin hobby ahead of his family every day of his life? You’re right. I’m a little on the unappreciative side for that.
Apparently he doesn’t appreciate what he has either. How many wives do you know would work all day, let their hubbys stay home and not work, then rush home so they can make it to their hobby while she stays home to cook and care for the kids? Then, on the weekends, when she wants him to do something for or with their family – he refuses? I just want to scream.
Then he has the gall to say that I don’t want him around. Um, isn’t the argument that I’m trying to have that I want him around MORE? I’m just still confused about how when he didn’t bother to come home he wasn’t stopping me from doing what I wanted but when I come home late – I’m apparently stopping him from doing what he wants to do. Oh, but then he backtracks – “I thought you’d be pissed about me taking the baby up there.” He’s taken the baby up there several times. Why should I now get upset? Hey – it’s Raiden that’s gonna be screaming for 3 hours in a car seat, not me bud.
Ok, rant over.
The story I’m about to tell is true, believe it or not. To give you a little background, two years ago I agreed to design and host a website for the tae kwon do academy my eldest son attended (and that I paid for) in lieu of membership fees for my husband to start. He’d always wanted to take martial arts and I figured the tiny bit of work that it entailed would be a small enough sacrifice to make the man I love happy. Right?
Several years later – the website grew to three websites, my husband’s tae kwon do ‘thing’ has turned into an outright obsession and a whole other business (he took over the trophy business for this guy in lieu of fees too – with no pay mind you) and this whole thing has pretty much destroyed my marriage. All because I was stupid enough to do something nice for the man. This is why – men – your wives are reluctant to give an inch. You take ten miles. And totally piss us off.
My husband has actually walked out on me and the kids (Raiden was about a month old) and stayed gone for a week because I asked him to give us some of the time he was giving to TKD. Ok – pay attention – the man would go to work, get off at 5, be at the school at 5:30, get out of class at 8, stay to do a few hundred pushups (no one is complaining about the body improvements here) and bring his butt home – every flippin day of the week – at around 8:30 or 9. Then, he’d find some excuse or other to go to his friend’s house, brother’s house, the store, whatever. Then on the weekends he’d either build trophies, work on cars for his friend, play pool with his brother, whatever. While I was home with the baby. Through all this we were losing our home and my sanity. Some people deal with stress well. I do not.
First I asked nicely. I just wanted two nights a week and Sundays. He could go to TKD 3 nights a week and whatever he wanted on Saturdays. You’d think I’d asked for both his legs to be cut off with a chain saw the way he freaked out. Hell no. He couldn’t possibly have worked so hard for two years to back down to just three nights a week now! Ok – new baby, recent serious illness, losing my house, having to move for a while, and a husband who flippin refuses to come his butt home and when asked simply packs his bags and leaves all together rather than back down? Oh, yeah, I was upset.
Now, fast forward two months. Don has lost his job (the store is closing, I don’t fault him for that) and I have gone back to work. We’re back in our house and Raiden is now 3.5 months old. My job is a good solid hour drive from our home – in heavy traffic or bad weather (usually both) it stretches to an hour and a half of hair pulling madness. I usually try to get to work by 8:30 and take a half hour lunch so that I can get out of here by 5 and be home by 6 or 6:30. His TKD classes start at 5:30, then there’s a second class two or three nights a week (I don’t remember) that starts at 7pm. On Saturdays there is a 10 am class. So, Don stays home with the kids while I work (he refuses the thought of daycare but I think it’s more due to the fact that he’s afraid he might not get off in time for TKD classes – this was his major argument against jobs previously). When I get off, I rush home so that he can make his 7 pm classes when they’re being held. Many nights he still goes to his friend’s home (usually Fridays or Saturdays) and I’m – yet again – left alone. Is it any wonder that I wonder why we’re still married? We’re never together. Except when he crawls in bed horny and wants some. And because of all this junk he’s only gotten it once since Raiden was born. I honestly can’t stand for him to touch me anymore because of all the hurt. And he has the gall – the absolute gall – to ask ‘Don’t you want me anymore?’ – Uh, yeah. I want you to stay your ass home sometimes and show that you care about me more than Dean, your brother, tae kwon dodo’s, trophies, tree bark, whatever.
So – here’s what happened to spark off this rant. Last night I didn’t get to leave work till later than usual. So – I called him (thoughtful person that I am I didn’t wait for him to call me and ask where he was like I usually have to do with him because he doesn’t call –he just doesn’t bother to show up when he’s supposed to). I said “I’m getting out of here a little late, I wanted to let you know and I’ll be home in an hour to an hour and a half.” Most husbands would say something like ‘ok, drive carefully’ or something. Mine? He goes off into a fit because he won’t get to go to Tae Kwon Do. I’m not home on time from WORK, so I’ve ruined his day because he now can’t go to Tae Kwon Do. Oh, and we’re out of cornbread mix, can I stop by the store and get some.
When I pointed out all the nights I sat at home and couldn’t do anything while he went along his merry little way his response was, I’m NOT joking “I never stopped you from doing anything you wanted to do.” Nope, never stopped me. Just never showed his butt up to watch the kids so I could. And oh – apparently I’m not now stopping him from going to Tae Kwon Do using that logic, right? “This is different” – um, please tell me how? Then I get “You don’t appreciate what you have” – um, what the hell do I have? A husband who never brings his butt home but then when I’m late coming home – an hour late – he has a hissy fit? A husband who puts a flippin hobby ahead of his family every day of his life? You’re right. I’m a little on the unappreciative side for that.
Apparently he doesn’t appreciate what he has either. How many wives do you know would work all day, let their hubbys stay home and not work, then rush home so they can make it to their hobby while she stays home to cook and care for the kids? Then, on the weekends, when she wants him to do something for or with their family – he refuses? I just want to scream.
Then he has the gall to say that I don’t want him around. Um, isn’t the argument that I’m trying to have that I want him around MORE? I’m just still confused about how when he didn’t bother to come home he wasn’t stopping me from doing what I wanted but when I come home late – I’m apparently stopping him from doing what he wants to do. Oh, but then he backtracks – “I thought you’d be pissed about me taking the baby up there.” He’s taken the baby up there several times. Why should I now get upset? Hey – it’s Raiden that’s gonna be screaming for 3 hours in a car seat, not me bud.
Ok, rant over.
posted by Danielle at 12:18 PM
1 Comments:
DAMN! You know, I'd trade places with your husband. I'll stay home while you work and I'll have the house cleaned, dinner ready for you, bath drawn...
You definately have a lot more patience for the inane than I do. I just hope for everyone's sake that he wise's up before you get sick of the situation.
*hugs*
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