How Stupid Are We? Really?

This morning on the way to work I noticed I needed to stop and get gas. I was getting pretty low and I knew I wouldn't want to battle traffic to turn left across the highway to get to my favorite el cheapo station. How did I realize this? Well, my needle pointed to E. Duh.

I was chatting with a friend the other night and mid conversation she says "Oh no, my light came on, I need gas." Light? What light? Does she have a bulb over her head that blings on like a bright idea? Well, no, some genius actually installed a light in her dash (and millions of others apparently - does this tell you how old my car is??) that lets her know when she needs gas.

Amazing enough, she's bright enough to drive, but not bright enough to realize that a needle pointing to E means - hey, get some gas stupid. Duh. Now, I know some cars come not with needles but with bars that indicate fuel level, but those little bars disappear - indicating fuel level. Right? So why the light?

Did someone actually get pissed at the car makers because they never figured out how to read the E and F indicators? Did they sue? I *need* to know the reason behind the light! Ok, so then I thought - well, maybe the light draws their attention to the dashboard. Um, so normally they ignore the dashboard? It's only what...a foot from their hands? a foot and a half from their face? It includes other vital info like... speed? And they can't be bothered to glance down every so often? What the heck is with this light thing?? Why are people considered so stupid that we need a light in addition to the very simple (I thought??) to understand E and F? You know. E... Empty - get some gas stupid.

Maybe we should forgo the light and just install a little voice that says that. "Get some gas stupid!"

Men - another mystery

I’ll never fully understand the mentality of (some) men. My husband being the prime mental mystery. My dad and sons and brother come in close seconds, but to be honest, that’s probably because they’re the only males I really pay attention to anyway.

The story I’m about to tell is true, believe it or not. To give you a little background, two years ago I agreed to design and host a website for the tae kwon do academy my eldest son attended (and that I paid for) in lieu of membership fees for my husband to start. He’d always wanted to take martial arts and I figured the tiny bit of work that it entailed would be a small enough sacrifice to make the man I love happy. Right?

Several years later – the website grew to three websites, my husband’s tae kwon do ‘thing’ has turned into an outright obsession and a whole other business (he took over the trophy business for this guy in lieu of fees too – with no pay mind you) and this whole thing has pretty much destroyed my marriage. All because I was stupid enough to do something nice for the man. This is why – men – your wives are reluctant to give an inch. You take ten miles. And totally piss us off.

My husband has actually walked out on me and the kids (Raiden was about a month old) and stayed gone for a week because I asked him to give us some of the time he was giving to TKD. Ok – pay attention – the man would go to work, get off at 5, be at the school at 5:30, get out of class at 8, stay to do a few hundred pushups (no one is complaining about the body improvements here) and bring his butt home – every flippin day of the week – at around 8:30 or 9. Then, he’d find some excuse or other to go to his friend’s house, brother’s house, the store, whatever. Then on the weekends he’d either build trophies, work on cars for his friend, play pool with his brother, whatever. While I was home with the baby. Through all this we were losing our home and my sanity. Some people deal with stress well. I do not.

First I asked nicely. I just wanted two nights a week and Sundays. He could go to TKD 3 nights a week and whatever he wanted on Saturdays. You’d think I’d asked for both his legs to be cut off with a chain saw the way he freaked out. Hell no. He couldn’t possibly have worked so hard for two years to back down to just three nights a week now! Ok – new baby, recent serious illness, losing my house, having to move for a while, and a husband who flippin refuses to come his butt home and when asked simply packs his bags and leaves all together rather than back down? Oh, yeah, I was upset.

Now, fast forward two months. Don has lost his job (the store is closing, I don’t fault him for that) and I have gone back to work. We’re back in our house and Raiden is now 3.5 months old. My job is a good solid hour drive from our home – in heavy traffic or bad weather (usually both) it stretches to an hour and a half of hair pulling madness. I usually try to get to work by 8:30 and take a half hour lunch so that I can get out of here by 5 and be home by 6 or 6:30. His TKD classes start at 5:30, then there’s a second class two or three nights a week (I don’t remember) that starts at 7pm. On Saturdays there is a 10 am class. So, Don stays home with the kids while I work (he refuses the thought of daycare but I think it’s more due to the fact that he’s afraid he might not get off in time for TKD classes – this was his major argument against jobs previously). When I get off, I rush home so that he can make his 7 pm classes when they’re being held. Many nights he still goes to his friend’s home (usually Fridays or Saturdays) and I’m – yet again – left alone. Is it any wonder that I wonder why we’re still married? We’re never together. Except when he crawls in bed horny and wants some. And because of all this junk he’s only gotten it once since Raiden was born. I honestly can’t stand for him to touch me anymore because of all the hurt. And he has the gall – the absolute gall – to ask ‘Don’t you want me anymore?’ – Uh, yeah. I want you to stay your ass home sometimes and show that you care about me more than Dean, your brother, tae kwon dodo’s, trophies, tree bark, whatever.

So – here’s what happened to spark off this rant. Last night I didn’t get to leave work till later than usual. So – I called him (thoughtful person that I am I didn’t wait for him to call me and ask where he was like I usually have to do with him because he doesn’t call –he just doesn’t bother to show up when he’s supposed to). I said “I’m getting out of here a little late, I wanted to let you know and I’ll be home in an hour to an hour and a half.” Most husbands would say something like ‘ok, drive carefully’ or something. Mine? He goes off into a fit because he won’t get to go to Tae Kwon Do. I’m not home on time from WORK, so I’ve ruined his day because he now can’t go to Tae Kwon Do. Oh, and we’re out of cornbread mix, can I stop by the store and get some.

When I pointed out all the nights I sat at home and couldn’t do anything while he went along his merry little way his response was, I’m NOT joking “I never stopped you from doing anything you wanted to do.” Nope, never stopped me. Just never showed his butt up to watch the kids so I could. And oh – apparently I’m not now stopping him from going to Tae Kwon Do using that logic, right? “This is different” – um, please tell me how? Then I get “You don’t appreciate what you have” – um, what the hell do I have? A husband who never brings his butt home but then when I’m late coming home – an hour late – he has a hissy fit? A husband who puts a flippin hobby ahead of his family every day of his life? You’re right. I’m a little on the unappreciative side for that.

Apparently he doesn’t appreciate what he has either. How many wives do you know would work all day, let their hubbys stay home and not work, then rush home so they can make it to their hobby while she stays home to cook and care for the kids? Then, on the weekends, when she wants him to do something for or with their family – he refuses? I just want to scream.

Then he has the gall to say that I don’t want him around. Um, isn’t the argument that I’m trying to have that I want him around MORE? I’m just still confused about how when he didn’t bother to come home he wasn’t stopping me from doing what I wanted but when I come home late – I’m apparently stopping him from doing what he wants to do. Oh, but then he backtracks – “I thought you’d be pissed about me taking the baby up there.” He’s taken the baby up there several times. Why should I now get upset? Hey – it’s Raiden that’s gonna be screaming for 3 hours in a car seat, not me bud.

Ok, rant over.

Cube Mentality (Another Workplace Mystery)

I realized after writing the previous post that I had titled it 'Other Mysteries' without really giving you any other mysteries. Just those weird copier people. So, here, I'll give you another mystery.

I think that when you have worked in the corporate world all of your working life, things that would bother sane people tend to just roll off your back. It's only after taking my WAHM hiatus and coming back that I see - for me anyway - just how kooky cubicles can make people.

Take for example - the cube mentality that apparently follows people from their desk cube to the bathroom stall cube. I kid you not, as God as my witness, people will carry on meetings in the bathroom.

Why they do this is beyond me. They've lost all sense of privacy (and sanity) and seem to think that a bathroom stall is yet another cube. Are there desks in there??

When I worked for Blue Cross years back, one of my coworkers would see me in the hallway and begin a conversation -usually just asking for help or tips on some database or other that I'd built and she was having to learn how to use. I'm a busy gal at work (or try to convey that to my bosses anyway) so if I was in the hallway, it was generally on my way to accomplish a purpose. In this case (and many like it) my purpose was to pee.

But hey - that just didn't seem to phase this otherwise normal ladylike creature. 'While she had me...' she just had to bounce some info off me. No kidding. I'd go into the stall - close and lock the door - drop trou - and still be answering questions. While peeing. Apparently this wasn't at all weird to her. It was *really* weird to me.

After taking a break from work and coming back - I've come to realize that I'm the oddball on that point.

So today, I went to go do my little business, and while in the stall I hear two ladies come in in deep discussion. I could hear them go into the stalls, unzip, whiz away for a while (free coffee around here) and the whole time never once stop discussing the merits of business travel and their relative experiences. I sat in my little cube in awe. I also needed to pass gas and didnt want to interrupt their conversation.

How the heck do people do this? Has the cube mentality just taken over even the most private functions of our lives? Have we become so busy - so bogged down with things to get done and communicate to each other - that we even have to multi-task in the potty? Are we coming to a point where the ladies and gents bathrooms will either become one and the same (some have) or install speakerphones so that we can chat without gender bias?

I don't know why this is such a big thing to me - as the mother of three kids its not as though I get to have private or conversation free potty time at home. It's just that at home I'm still teaching my children boundaries - I would have thought we'd have learned them by the time we got here.

The cube mentality lacks walls and privacy. Icky.